Microsoft is now blaming computer manufacturers for the Windows XP Service Pack 3 reboots and crashes. Microsoft even went as far as to update an old support page to add SP3.

Some OEMs use the Sysprep tool to create images of an installed operating system to mass-copy onto hard drives of like computers. Why would Dell make someone sit there and install Windows onto each and every computer they ship when they can just make a copy of the hard drive of one installed system and then duplicate that image onto all of their hard drives for that series of computer. Sysprep is a tool to help with that.

But OEMs are lazy. They’re going to cut every corner that they can. And so sometimes they’ll use an image from an Intel PC’s hard drive on an AMD PC.

And nothing bad happens. It works just fine.

At least until you install Windows XP Service Pack 3. And then you get constant reboots or crashes. Because then and only then (or, well, if you install SP2 as well) does Windows choke on loading the Intel processor driver (Intelppm.sys).

And Microsoft blames the OEMs for this.

Admittedly, it is indeed partly their fault. They shouldn’t have used an Intel-based image on an AMD-based PC. That aside, 1) in Microsoft’s world of plug-and-play, self-installing driver, and so forth, this is a huge glaring flaw on Microsoft’s part. And 2) if it’s going to fail, it should fail from the first time you try to boot up the PC, not years and years later when you install a service pack. So while it may be partly the fault of OEMs, it is mostly on Microsoft’s head for this damn fool behavior.

And why has there been no fix if Microsoft has been aware of this problem since SP2?

Besides. It still doesn’t explain all of the problems with Win XP SP3, just some of them. So, sagely, Microsoft bows out of any clear and definitive answers, saying “Until we complete our investigation, it would be premature to comment on any theory.” Loverly. How much do you want to bet that there’s more than one culprit?

And when, oh when, will someone finally take Microsoft to task over the mess it is making of computers lately? It’s just one blunder after the next, and sooner or later someone is going to be thinking “class action lawsuit” or some such notion.

Well, Microsoft is releasing a third service pack for Windows XP. Some might see this as a sign that Microsoft isn’t going to be ditching XP any time soon, in spite of the “excellence” of their “new and improved” version of Windows known as Vista. That Vista that inspired the class action lawsuit. That Vista that so many people are having problems using because Microsoft couldn’t even get simple file operations to work flawlessly. That Vista that is having so many problems with its first service pack. Yeah. Gee. I wonder why Microsoft might be dedicating itself to releasing a third Windows XP service pack to extend the lifespan of Windows XP…

Of course long time Windows XP users are wondering WHAT $#!7ing TOOK MICROSOFT SO LONG TO DO THIS?!?!?! The answer, of course, is that Vista probably occupied Microsoft’s programmers far more than it should have. That, or Microsoft was hoping to kill all interest in XP by stopping all major support. One could make all sorts of wonderful arguments for why. Chances are, it’s a little bit of all of them. Whatever the reason, personally I can’t think of any that I would consider “good”.

Okay, so enough ripping on Microsoft. (In theory.) Let’s get down to the details. What is actually in Windows XP SP3?

For starters, XP SP3 contains all of the bug fixes that you should have already gotten regularly every Patch Tuesday through Windows Update since SP2. Or, in other words, nothing new or of value to existing XP users. Boring. Let’s skip the intricacies of that then. We really don’t need to rehash the hundreds of updates you should have already gotten over the years.

New stuff? Well … not much. There’s “Black Hole Router Detection” (routers that silently discard packets), now turned on by default. I’ve never had a problem with this or needed it. Have you?

How about “Network Access Protection (NAP)“? It’s a networking security feature, a policy enforcement platform built into Windows Vista and Windows Server 2008. So in other words, now network administrators running a Windows Server 2008 network with Windows Vista clients can now migrate you sorry lot legacy Windows XP users that have been driving your IT department mad onto their shiny new server. Or at least that’d be the case for the very few who have bought into going whole hog on Microsoft’s latest and greatest. This is a feature that the incredible vast majority of you won’t give a flying fig about. And of those that do care, they’re probably wondering what took Microsoft so long.

Next new feature? “Descriptive Security Options User Interface” That security options control panel in Windows XP? Well now it has slightly more descriptive text. Yay. I’m sure that one gets to the heart of all of you readers. I’m sure glad Microsoft released a service pack for that. Sadly, this may actually be one of the best new features they’ve added to Windows XP with SP3. Ouch.

Next. “Enhanced Security For Administrator and Service Policy Entries” Microsoft now forces an Administrator user policy and a Service user policy, each with preset default values. Oh, and the user right “Impersonate Client After Authentication” will no longer remove these policy settings. Let’s hope these new forced policies don’t screw anyone up, eh? Still nothing for the masses to even notice, not to mention care about getting.

Oooh. Here’s a goodie. “Microsoft Kernel Mode Cryptographic Module” It’s a library of cryptography cyphers and protocols. On the kernel level. Written by Microsoft. So that, in theory, things like device drivers and other software can use to provide you with completely software-based insecurity. By itself it offers no Windows XP user anything new. It’s just for developers to use in future drivers and software. Probably because Vista driver developers already have this library, and are complaining to Microsoft for not including it in XP so that they can write their drivers using it for XP too. Yipee! I’m sure that means a lot to you all.

And last new feature, but certainly not least? We have “Windows Product Activation“. So now, like in Windows Server 2008 and Windows Vista, you can do a complete Windows install without having to enter your product key. You still have to enter it some time later, after the install is finished. You just don’t have to enter it during the install. That does anything for existing Windows XP users how? It doesn’t. Hmm… Seems to be a trend here…

Okay, so that’s all of the new features you get. They help the common Windows XP user how? Well, quite simply, they don’t. Not a single new feature is actually all that useful to the common user. Or even noticeable. Not one.

So then what’s the freaking point?!?!

I wish I could say, “Beats me!” But actually I do understand. The point is that any future Windows XP install CDs are going to come bundled with SP3 now instead of SP2. So that anyone building a new system using Windows XP won’t have to run Windows Update until they’re (screen of death) blue in the face. And likewise some of these new features further help system builders as well. And some of them help Microsoft continue to promote their product superiority to corporate IT departments in a world that (rightfully) doesn’t yet trust Windows Vista, so that they can now actually use Windows XP clients in place of Windows Vista clients on their Windows Server 2008 networks.

But all-in-all, there’s not a single reason for much of any existing Windows XP user to install service pack 3. Most of you could give it a miss and never even notice. I’d say install it anyway, just in case there’s a bug fix somewhere that Microsoft didn’t tell about in their white paper. Or just so that Windows Update stops annoying you about it.

When all is said and done however, a lot more has been said than done. Windows XP SP3 is, by far, the most underwhelming service pack that Microsoft has ever released. I don’t see a single thing for existing XP users to get excited about. It doesn’t even include Internet Explorer 7! You still have to install that yourself, manually. (If you haven’t already.) It’s like Microsoft isn’t even trying. I guess they’re too busy trying to fix Vista.

Well, you know things are going badly for Microsoft chequebooks the users of Windows Vista when Microsoft offers free support to anyone and everyone upgrading to Windows Vista Service Pack 1. Of course we already knew it was going bad for users. But now Microsoft, in their infinite altruism, have made it free for anyone to get support when upgrading Windows Vista to SP1.

Some of you may be shocked … to learn that Microsoft didn’t already do so. Yes indeed, it’s a strong belief at Microsoft that users should be stripped of as much money as possible. Err … I mean that OEMs (Original Equipment Manufacturers) like Hell, Gateway (to Hell), HP (Hell’s Pc), et cetera are the ones that have to deal with their whining valued customers. So Microsoft only offers support to retail purchasers of Windows software. Those who get their copy of Windows bundled on their computer have to complain to the company that sold them their computer … or pay Microsoft for “added” support.

Except that the Windows Vista SP1 upgrade is going so badly that Microsoft has reportedly decided to waive that “added” support charge. Or maybe it was just out of the goodness of their hearts? Yeah, I think I almost fell off my chair laughing at that thought too.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing patently against Microsoft. I use their products. I think Windows XP shaped up into a fine operating system. Certainly older versions of MS Office (before Microsoft lost their marbles with 2007) work great. I have MS Office 2003 on a company laptop. (Although I liked MS Office 2001 better, and on my own computer I use OpenOffice.) I use Visual Studio 2003. (Though I liked Visual Studio 6 better.) And in general I think Microsoft has always written bloated software, but at least it’s bloated software that typically does more and is easier to use than the competition. (Even if it runs slower and eats up a lot more resources to do it.)

But somewhere along the way, something snapped over there at Microsoft. It’s like they lost their marbles. Windows Vista? Malformed bloatware that really needed a lot more refinement and fixing before it was pushed on the world. Even with SP1 I won’t touch it. (And it’s clear just how well Microsoft has handled Vista SP1.) MS Office? What in the hell were they thinking when designing the user interface in Office 2007? Need I go on? Microsoft keeps pushing more and more features and user interface crap on us, while not listening a whit to what customers actually want. And their products are getting so large that I’ve rather lost my faith in their own coders to keep the source code under control and know what they’re doing.

Still, they’re Microsoft. They’re an institution. (Even if by now they should be institutionalized.) They always will be. So we just better get used to it. I guess.

But while I bend over and take it up the get used to it, let us celebrate other Microsoft greatness.

Like the class action lawsuit over the “Windows Vista Capable” branding in which many computers so branded can barely even run Windows Vista Home Basic. (Not the neato Aero interface versions like Windows Vista Home Premium or Windows Vista Ultimate.) And on the one hand I feel bad for all of the suckers consumers who bought their PC with the Windows Vista Capable branding thinking it would actually run Vista well. On the other hand though, my sympathy is small indeed for it was actually all quite clear to anyone that bothered to research. I honestly don’t understand people who plonk down big bucks on a purchase without first actually researching it, and then get upset when the purchase isn’t everything they wanted. Caveat emptor!

But I hear on the great intarweb-pipe-thingie grapevine that the plaintiff list in the lawsuit is growing quite well. Including the illustrious Jim Allchin, a retired MS exec who had been a veritable god over at Microsoft. Of course other plaintiffs include the likes of Wally World, Amazonian, Worst Buy, Circuit Sh_tty, Hell, Office Despot, and on and on and on ad nauseam. So yeah, good luck Chuck!

And of course how can I mention any Microsoft lawsuit without hopping across the pond to the good ‘ol EU where Microsoft has been fined, to date, something along the lines of a total of $2.57 billion. With the latest $1.3525 billion (well, €899 million) coming on the 27th of February 2008 for still not complying with the March 2004 antitrust decision. One really has to wonder just what Microsoft is planning to do there. Just keep racking up the fines and pretending they aren’t real? Sure seems that way. Of course if I owed someone two and a half billion dollars, I think I’d be faking my own death and hiding in Canada or something.