Sometimes reality really is just so much stranger than fiction. In a plan that can only be described of as “strange”, the world could possibly be made a lot greener … by nuking stray camels in Australia.

According to calculations offered by Tim Moore, managing director of Aussie green machine Northwest Carbon, the proposal is to sell government carbon credits issued for killing camels wandering the desolate regions of Australia. The camels were introduced in the 19th century as beasts of burden well suited to the desert climates in Australia. As such things go, the camels of course escaped their human masters, bred all on their own, and now belch and fart a considerable amount of methane into the atmosphere whilst providing no discernable benefit to anyone.

Methane, being a considerably more potent greenhouse gas, has been much the debate in other animals, such as cattle. But whereas cattle are needed for food, wild camels offer no such boon as burger-fodder. In fact, in the past, these wild camels of Australia have even rampaged the outback town of Docker River during 2009 in a search for water. So eliminating these nuisance animals not only prevents their greenhouse gas emissions, but also gets rid of them as pests.

Just how gassy is a camel? The estimation is that a single camel will release approximately 100lbs (45kg) of methane per year. Over the average 40-year lifespan of a camel, that would account for 4000lbs, which is 2 tons worth of methane gas. Assume that you kill the camel around middle age, and that’s still an average of 1 ton of methane release saved for each camel killed. And methane, being over 20 times more effective as a greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide, would make the death of a single camel equivalent savings of around 20 tons of CO2, or basically a ton of CO2 per year for the next 20 years.

Theoretically.

The actual Australian math comes out to only 15 metric tons (tonnes) of carbon emission equivalency. And, honestly, how do you really prove any of this definitively?

But allegations of mathematical inanity aside, the business proposal suggests that sales from the carbon credits alone would likely pay for the scheme to hunt these wild camels down by off-road vehicle or even helicopter, and that further monies could be realized in the pet-food industry by processing the carcasses. Assuming your Australian dog or cat enjoys Camel Crispies. Or there’s always glue…

Of course the Australian government isn’t yet convinced of “Management of large feral herbivores (camels) in the Australian rangelands” proposal. Further research will need to be done before they approve the eligibility of this carbon farming initiative.

But, you know, I say that they just haven’t taken this proposal quite far enough. If you really want to turn it into a profitable business, then whip up some Predator drone knockoffs, connect their controls through the internet, and then let people around the world Camel Hunt for $9.95 a minute. Or something as equally vile as the camels themselves. The horrible puns could go on into much more vulgar suggestions, but as this is a (semi) professional blog, I’ll leave those to your own imagination.

Meanwhile, I guess we should be happy that no one is suggesting the clubbing of baby seals or the nuking of whales as a means of saving the planet from the rampages of humanity’s carbon (and methane) emissions.