It’s been said that necessity is the mother of invention, but sometimes, it’s not.  Sometimes there are rather useless inventions created.  Such as this:

It’s a rather useless machine really.  Much like many the ex-spouse, all that it does is turn itself off as soon as you try to turn it on.

Somehow though, it is mesmerizing.

If you’d like to build your own Most Useless Machine EVER then have a gander here for step-by-step instructions.

It’s Saturday, so how about a fun story for a change?

Those wacky Japanese are at it again.  This time it’s using industrial robots as chefs to cook a mean noodle soup!

Yes, that’s right.  Kenji Nagoya, owner of the noodle shop, is positively delighted with his move to “hire” a couple of robots to make soup.  “The benefits of using robots as ramen chefs include the accuracy of timing in boiling noodles, precise movements in adding toppings, and consistency in the taste.”

The robots also reportedly put on entertaining shows throughout the day.  They do everything from spinning plates to holding sword battles.  And why not?  What else is an industrial robot good for!

It’s almost enough to make me want to visit Japan.

Kind of.

On the US Homeland Security website was a statement made by Secretary Napolitano that showed a real commitment to eradicating the H1N1 Virus (aka “Swine Flu”) menace.  That, or a need for being committed … to a padded room.  And I quote:

“We’re also actively monitoring travelers at our land, sea, and air ports. We’re watching them for signs of illness, and we have appropriate protocols in place to deal with those who are sick. Precautions are being taken to protect travelers and border personnel. Anyone exhibiting symptoms is being referred to an isolation room where they can be evaluated by a public health official before proceeding to their destruction*.”

* = The emphasis on destruction was, of course, mine.  Not Secretary Napolitano’s.

Sadly, with all of the other fearmongering going on, as it read the statement was, most unfortunately, somewhat believable.  That said, yes, it was indeed a typo.  Perhaps it was just a misclick in a spellchecker.  Maybe it was just a slip of the tongue / finger.  Whichever the case, if you follow the link to the statement now, you will find that this typo has been corrected.  The word was supposed to be “destination”.

Or at least, thanks to it being noticed, it’s supposed to be “destination” now.

One never really knows.

But it goes to show that at the very least, proofreading is very much a lost art.  Spellcheckers are wonderful tools.  Even grammar-checkers, which are becoming more and more prevalent in office software, are merely imperfect tools, not replacements for real live intelligent thinking people.  Let this be a lesson, perhaps, in more ways than one.

No, this isn’t even remotely a tech blog entry this time. This is an entertainment blog. Because sometimes, reality really is stranger than fiction.  Such as the story of one Adam Leon.

Adam Dylan Leon, age 31, did something a little crazy yesterday.  At about 2:30pm on the 6th of April, Adam stole a Cessna 172 from the Confederation College Flight School at Thunder Bay International Airport in Thunder Bay, Ontario.  Adam then proceeded to fly south down through Minnesota, Michigan, Wisconsin, Illinois, and eventually Missouri.  Along the way he was joined by two F-16 Falcon fighter jets from the Wisconsin National Guard, who were authorized to shoot him down, but merely escorted him as Adam was not believed to be a terrorist and never did anything to pose as a threat other than a little erratic flying and failing to respond to any and all communications.  He seemed to intentionally avoid flying over any heavily populated areas, and actually flew above the Cessna’s ceiling.

Along the way, the Wisconsin state capitol building in Madison briefly evacuated all personnel as a precaution just after 5pm, even though the governor was not in town.  A case of better safe than sorry.

Adam’s flight came to an end as he landed his stolen Cessna on Route FF, near Ellsinore, Mo.  Adam then proceeded to flee into the woods, evading police.  Once clear, he hitch-hiked to Simmons Grocery & Hardware, near Ellsinore, where he tried to purchase some lemon-lime Gatorade and beef jerky.  Unfortunately Adam didn’t have sufficient cash for it all, so he settled on just the Gatorade.  Approximately thirty minutes later, around 10:20pm, while listening to store staff talk about the police search for him and still calmly sipping his drink, police flooded the store and arrested him.  Adam went willingly, asking only that he please be allowed to use the rest room.  I guess because of all that Gatorade.

Approximate flight path of Adam Dylan Leon on his suicide Cessna theft, courtesy of Google Earth.

Purportedly, Adam left a suicide note near the hangar where he stole the Cessna.  And according to Justin Watson, the Missouri State Trooper who brought Adam Leon to justice, “He made a statement that he was trying to commit suicide and he didn’t have the courage to do it himself. And his idea was to fly the aircraft into the United States, where he would be shot down.“  In these troubled times, an attempted suicide is certainly nothing surprising.  But perhaps stealing a Cessna from Canada and flying through several states in the US in an attempt to get F-16s to blow you up is.

Fortunately, no one was hurt.  There weren’t even any damages reported.  The only real loss in the whole affair was the fuel used in the Cessna, the approximately fifty grand USD per hour per F-16 for a total cost of around $500,000, and the time of everyone involved.  And hopefully now while Adam sits in the Butler County Jail he can find the help that he needs.

The UK is introducing something so obvious, yet so horrendous, that it can only mean the world is about to come to an abrupt end.  It’s the sign of the apocalypse: the doner kebab flavoured pot noodle!

This is the end of the world! It is a doner kebab flavoured pot noodle!

IT industry workers especially are already quite familiar with the many wonderful varieties of ramen noodles.  It’s somewhat of a mystery as to why, but living in a maze of cubicles and otherwise treated like rodents may be a factor.  As might the constant intellectual demand, draining the IT industry of things like good taste or social skills.

But it’s the Brits really who have been turning the pot noodle into a blazing industry of pseudo-culinary escapism.  They make the American IT industry look like petty noodle munchers.  It’s their high demand for instant noodles in a cup that have really driven the industry.

And if there’s one other thing that the Brits also love, its getting drunk.

No, wait.

I mean it’s stumbling home with a doner kebab, of possibly questionable origins.

So given that, it’s no wonder really that some lazy sot genius decided that it was time to combine the two into one horridly unpallatable nightmare that could only be consumed after large quantities of bitter: the doner kebab pot noodle!

Okay, so yes, it’s cheap.  But then so is a doner kebab.

Okay, so yes, making it is quick.  But then with vendors selling them everywhere, so is buying a doner kebab.

So then what is the purpose of doner kebab flavoured pot noodle?  It can be only one thing: the end of the world!

No, seriously.

Look back at zombie movies like Shaun of the Dead.  What simple one thing could have saved the world?  A pantry of pot noodles!  But one food would have made even the most stoic of Brits run out into the zombie-infested streets looking for a fix?  That’s right, a doner kebab!  And now we see the truth hiding in these sinister shadows.  Someone is preparing to fill their larder with a mountain of beer and pot noodles, and it is the doner kebab pot noodle which will save them from having to ever leave their flat.  Ever.

And who would prepare for such a disastrous ending to the world if they weren’t in league with boffins who have the very information of the impending zombie invasion, I ask you!

The doner kebab pot noodle is the sign of the Zombpocalypse!

So repent your sins.  Or stock up on instant noodles, especially doner kebab flavoured ones.  And beer!  Don’t forget the beer.  Because the zombies are coming for your brains, and you really don’t want to have to leave your flat for anything when that happens!

And maybe grab a cricket bat too.  Just in case.